Chapter XVI

I thought well why not? We're on a roll here. Lets keep going.
I once said I don't believe in love to someone. He laughed in my face.
I don't blame him. It's really hard to buy that line if you think you know me, and that's almost everyone on this planet. People make the assumption when they meet me that they know who I am. That's ok. I'm obviously stereotypical. I exhibit all the traits of a happy person. I smile I laugh I dance I cheer I flirt I listen I talk I mingle I chat I visit I call I text. You can't picture me angry or yelling or cussing or punching or slapping or bitching or hitting or breaking or hurting or suicidal. Most people don't associate me with weird behavior. Even when sometimes it slips through they laugh and say wow that was weird. And I apologize profusely and quickly mend the hole before they see more.
It is a facade. One I built about 7 years ago. When I first moved. I needed to be the perfect person. The best that I could be. The person that everyone would love and would want to be friends with. I would not allow what happened back in middle school and early high school to happen again. Period.
Since then I've added to my wall. Three years ago I discovered what a load of bullshit love was and last year I discovered that friendship is only a word. It was like adding cement and barbed wire to my brick wall. And that's the me people know. A person behind fencing, concrete and bricks. I can count the people who have glimpsed behind the wall on one hand.
I have no delusions. I know exactly who I am. I just don't think other people do. Nor do they understand the lengths to which I go to stop them from seeing who I am. Of the handful of people no two can say they've seen the same thing. I keep it that way. I want it that way.
And now its time to build a new wall.