Simple Truth

So yes you're right
And it turns out I was wrong
Because though I didn't understand,
That it was written in stone
Way before you and I met,
I belong to you and you to me

I walked away
But it didn't work
Surviving without you was impossible
So we compromised
Smiled on the outside
But it couldn't work
Because though I didn't understand,
That it was written in stone
Way before you and I met,
I belong to you and you to me

I wasn't alive until I met you
And I was slowly dying when I left
I didn't realize I would be incomplete without you
Because though I didn't understand,
That it was written in stone
Way before you and I met,
I belong to you and you to me

I guess what I'm saying is
I don't matter until I'm with you
I need you to complete my life
Without you there is no life at all
You breath life into me
Because though I didn't understand,
That it was written in stone
Way before you and I met,
I belong to you and you to me
And that's the simple truth

First Iftar

So everyone's been fasting for the past week and I toooooooootally felt left out.... which is the case with most things when you're new and alone.
A moment of silence will give you a chance to pity me... yes poor poor Aaron.
So I was pretty excited and extremely creative about my first iftar this year. I planned it all out. Got food from Taste of Morocco. My first Moroccan meal, called Kefta Tagine aka Meatball Tagine. Paired it with hummus (of course), pita, dates, cucumbers, and even the splendid  Foco Coconut Juice. And like a good girl I read my prayers up until the Athan at which point I dug in! The food was gooooood! I will definitely be going back to Taste of Morocco. I even saved half for Suhoor (it'll go well with my infamous rice). It was soooo hard to let up on the eating, but I'm proud to say, I didn't go overboard. It was a gooooood iftar.
However initially when I'd started taking my first few bites I kinda felt weird. So I put on Justice League and thought Aaaah! this is all I need. Something to watch and food.

But even then I found myself tuning out... and feeling really lonely. Everyone one knows by biggest grievance. Eating alone in public. Apparently I need to revise that to eating alone. period. I've always hated it, and I guess will never get over it. I mean yeah, watching something goes a long way to make up for it.... but when it comes down to special meals, like your first iftar of the year.... with good food you want good company too.
So I re-learnt something about myself I already knew... I'm definitely a people person. Can't do the alone thing. It drives me CRAZY. Feels like the world's forgotten about me, and will continue to revolve and exist even if I disappeared. Which IS the case, duh! But for me existence translates connecting with someone. Whether a friend, a lover, a sister, or just another human. Your being is full-filled when you come in contact with another person. And I know a lot of people don't agree with my philosophy, but that's okay. I'm just glad my loud and fills-the-room-with-her-presence roomate is gonna be here in three days. Till then... thank god for cellphones and skype, they stop me from disappearing into nothingness.

Hepatitis B Vaccine

Honestly America! Considering you're so proud of your Walgreens maybe you should do a better job of educating your doctors of its facilities. It was a DENTIST, I mean common!! A DENTIST told me that Walgreens does vaccinations. tsk tsk. Very upsetting. I spend like hhhhhoooouuuurssssss on the phone trying to find smone who would gimme the shot and right there across the street (ok not across more like 30 min walk and an 8 mins bus ride away) was this Walgreens going like, "Halloo yea yea you I can help you!! Really!!"

Well I guess it makes sense, Walgreens just got $115 that otherwise you would have made. *sigh* Ok you're excused but guess what I spend yesterday doing? ......Telling the rest of the fresh-of-the-boat-Caribbean-med-students about Walgreens :D:D

4 years later

I was updating and polishing my blog because I decided to hand it over as a present to my dearest friend. But I was lost in the posts of my past, reading the blabberings of my 23yr old self. And I can't help but proclaim. How naive... to claim to be miserable and lost in love and be able to watch tragic love stories and then to be able to review them! Hahahaha! You want to know what sorrow and lost in love is? I live a life where I only watch animated, adventure, and action movies. Since April 2011. Rue the day Rockstar snuck up on me. A part of me will never forgive that, and to have it paired by a timely phone call in the middle of the movie from Angel-Demon. God bless the turned off lights lol my face would have declared to the world my guilt. Gaddamn my face... though I'm getting better at masking it.
And curious about the nickname Angel-Demon? But isn't it perfect? One who is both my savior, my mentor, my solace, my protector, and my peace yet at the same time my darkest misery, the punishment of my soul, my burning agony, my temptation into wrong, my banishment of happiness. One cannot exist without the other. I've come to understand and welcome it with open arms. This feeling will forever be hand in hand. And it is okay because time makes us jaded to all. It wasn't too long ago that I thought I would forever need to nurture the Fakeness. But I bought into my own ploy and I'm happy now because I could no longer bear to be anything else. I ran out of the effort to preoccupy myself so that I wouldn't be alone with my thoughts. So what did I do with them instead? I piled them into a heap and set them ablaze. For we have tried time and time again to hide them here, and they came spilling out. Ok there, and they leaked out. Why so busy running away? Just make a pile and light the match. Cry, first just drops that flows down your face to your chin, then moans of a tortured animal that rattle and leave your ribcage hurting for days... and then just dry heaves of misery and acceptance of helplessness. and Goodbye... the whole time it burns.
But at last, when the ashes were left white and powdery, I fell asleep, deep and peaceful. for the first time without thinking of my Angel-Demon as I had every single night for 9 months. Peaceful sleep from which I woke up, refreshed and smiling. Smiling to be alive, smiling to have lived a lifetime of happiness in two years, to have had so much love that most people can't even imagine, to have a beautiful story to my name, to have had a wonderful human to be paired with, and then smiling because of the gift of continuing to have that human in my life. And most of all, smiling because life could have been more miserable. But I am strong, and I am powerful, and I dictate my life. And smiling because my life is wonderful.
There is a new sun rising.

Time to Part

There are many ways to lose friends and distance is the worst way. Because everything is up in the air. You can't control anything. I hate it. I'd rather get into a fight and part ways then lose a friendship to distance and have something sweet fizzle out and die.

Doodling in Physics

I am a pond
all it takes is a touch
and I ripple and shimmer.
I am the grass
all it takes is a breeze
and I nod in agreement.
I am a cloud

all it takes is a little water
and I'm gloomy with disappointment.

I am the wind

all it takes is some cold

and I run terrified.

I am a shadow

all it takes is some light

and I trail and follow.
I am the moon

all it takes is a rock

and I am riddled with holes.

I am the stars

all it takes is a mist

and my glow is dimmer.

I am a flame

all it takes is some water

and I sputter and drown.

I am a heart

all it takes is a little love

and I am happy.

I am a smile

all it takes is a kind word

and I widen with joy.

you know you've lost it when you start dreaming about someone messaging you on skype

yea so guess what i was dreaming about -_- yea i wanna hit me on the head as well. so where was i? o yea...

Category 1: Hair

Everyone knows what I like. I have certain points that must be met and these points aren't negotiable. Well not until now. I love guys with long hair...hair long enough to run your hands through when you're making out. I mean a lot of girls don't but honestly the feel of silky hair between your fingers, against your skin when you're making out is like giving your fingers their own orgasms. Ricochet on the other hand has short hair and i mean majorly short hair. I don't even think he could make longer hair work.

Category 2: Eyes

I'm actually famous for being in love with colored eyes. A boy with blue eyes can wrap me around his pinky and I will be his slave. In all these years my compromise with this has been to fall for guys who have hazel eyes. As long as they don't look like my eyes, I'm mesmerized. But with Ricochet its different. He has these big chocolate brown eyes. They remind me of Robert Downey Jr.'s eyes. So big, so huge, full of soul and warmth. Yea I'm definitely loosing it.

Category 3: Height

Being someone short, most guys are taller than me and the taller they are the more I like it. It makes me feel secure and protected and that I can be picked up and held close but this guy is totally short. He's only a couple inches taller than me. In heels I can probably be as tall as him.

So these are my big three. Other than these, theres that I like lanky guys and he's ripped. I like guys with a dark conflicted side to match mine, but he's open and friendly with a light and glowing aura. He likes hip hop [:O:O:O horrifying I know] I like rock and trance. I mean what's going on. But here's the catch. He's PERFECT. He's got this amazing sense of humor. It makes me smile and laugh. And he has this way he looks at me, its like he's looking straight into my soul. It makes me freeze and i'm totally entrance. I can't look away. I really hope this works out I really really do hope so.